The Farewell
28th of April 2023
Friday
Dear Diary,
Today, I wish to look back and relive the day of my class 12 Farewell. It was unlike other days for me, it was a day of mixed emotions or simply the overlapping feelings of both bliss and resentment. Why the resentment? It was because I was still a teenager who was determined to remember everything and somehow relate it to my life story in future. From the past four or five years, most of my friends and classmates had eagerly awaited the ‘Farewell day’ for various reasons; some looked forward to it for the fact that they would have the opportunity to groom themselves as young women instead of that like little girls, some were excited for the fact that they would get to be at the centre stage for a day and some simply loved the idea because an eventful day would give them a chance to be with their friends for more hours than usual. But I had never found it exciting, I had always thought that when my time would come, I would never go to the event. It was not because I lacked an emotional connection with school but because I knew that I would not be able to express myself as perfectly as I would have desired. When the day, that is, the 12th of March 2022 arrived, I retrospected and finally decided that I would go, maybe just to carve myself as a better person, maybe to just let go of grudges, forgive people and friends and make some promises to the building that had seen me grow from a little girl to a young woman. Like every human being, I too was excited to look elegant for a day that would hold a significant place in my life.
The day was a sunny one, and I heard multiple pieces of advice from my heart, advices about how I should put up a smile, let go of the single-minded purpose in life, that is, examinations and studies and enjoy the little things in life. That day, I admired my outer self but not the inner one, it was because I knew that I still had many aspects that needed to be worked upon in order to become a kind and loving person in life. My teachers loved me because they had seen me as a good student who expressed creativity in writing skills; but what about the side of me which still lacked the courage to express the thoughts that were beautiful and if expressed, would melodiously strike the chords with the hearts of those who had built me? As advised, I put up a smile and went towards my school. Upon reaching, I saw my classmates clicking pictures, laughing, complimenting each other and reminiscing the days of the past. I too, was approached by them, we clicked pictures and waited for the main event. We were applauded by our friends in high school, they had made the arrangements for the day. Our teachers looked at us, they held their heads high, as if they were proud of us for having come so far. I just smiled and looked at my physics teacher. All these years, I had wanted to be like her, the way she taught, the way she loved her subject and just about everything. She too smiled at me.
The programme consisted of dances, songs, games and skits. But my favourite part was the “awarding of titles”. This part made me feel unique, there were so many of us, and who would know the exceptional qualities of each one of us? But a single word or sentence in those ‘titles’ would actually make us feel proud of ourselves. I didn't get a title, I received a sentence, it was more like a promise that I had to fulfil. The sentence was, “The lady with a pen that can change the world.” The sentence resonated with my soul, I was determined to prove this correct. We clicked more pictures and looked back at everything. My school looked dear to me, as if it wasn’t a building, but a person whose presence had made life meaningful. I was trying to capture everything in my mind, like pictures. My classmates got their pictures clicked with the teachers, but I didn’t gather the courage to ask for a picture. I just wanted a picture with my physics teacher, but I did not go and request it. As expected, I had really failed in expressing myself.
I again looked back at the building and realised that I was not the human being that most people would want to be with or be like. I had refused to look at the brighter side of a few things, I had failed to reconcile with people, I had failed to forgive them, I had associated people with isolated events and quickly categorised them as ‘good’ and ‘bad’. Maybe now, those associations would remain entrenched in my heart forever, without any change.
That day, I made a promise to the building, which was like a living entity for me. I promised that one day, I would again walk through the corridors, I would again mingle with students, but as a better person, as a scientist, as a writer and as a stronger person. Maybe that day, I would request a picture with my teacher.
Penning off.
Shelley
Comments
Post a Comment